From <@tcuavm.is.tcu.edu:owner-scouts-l@TCUBVM.IS.TCU.EDU> Sun May 3 20:59:14 1998 Return-Path: <@tcuavm.is.tcu.edu:owner-scouts-l@TCUBVM.IS.TCU.EDU> Received: from mail1.bellatlantic.net (mail1.bellatlantic.net [199.45.32.38]) by cap1.CapAccess.org (8.6.12/8.6.10) with ESMTP id UAA09058 for ; Sun, 3 May 1998 20:59:14 -0400 Received: from tcuavm.is.tcu.edu (TCUAVM.IS.TCU.EDU [138.237.128.148]) by mail1.bellatlantic.net (8.8.5/8.8.5) with SMTP id TAA06768 for ; Sun, 3 May 1998 19:51:16 -0500 (EST) Received: from TCUBVM.IS.TCU.EDU by tcuavm.is.tcu.edu (IBM VM SMTP V2R2) with BSMTP id 9538; Sun, 03 May 98 19:50:24 CDT Received: from TCUBVM.IS.TCU.EDU (NJE origin LISTSERV@TCUBVM) by TCUBVM.IS.TCU.EDU (LMail V1.2a/1.8a) with BSMTP id 4678; Sun, 3 May 1998 19:48:41 -0500 Received: from TCUBVM.IS.TCU.EDU by TCUBVM.IS.TCU.EDU (LISTSERV release 1.8b) with NJE id 3041 for SCOUTS-L@TCUBVM.IS.TCU.EDU; Sun, 3 May 1998 19:48:01 -0500 Received: from TCUBVM (NJE origin SMTP@TCUBVM) by TCUBVM.IS.TCU.EDU (LMail V1.2a/1.8a) with BSMTP id 3040; Thu, 30 Apr 1998 10:38:02 -0500 Received: from christa.unh.edu by tcubvm.is.tcu.edu (IBM VM SMTP V2R2) with TCP; Thu, 30 Apr 98 10:37:37 CDT Received: from cll_man41.unh.edu (cllh-man41.unh.edu [132.177.197.41]) by christa.unh.edu (8.8.8/8.8.8) with SMTP id LAA01657 for ; Thu, 30 Apr 1998 11:37:07 -0400 (EDT) X-Sender: kswoods@christa.unh.edu X-Mailer: QUALCOMM Windows Eudora Light Version 3.0.5 (32) Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii" Message-ID: <3.0.5.32.19980430113545.007e0d40@christa.unh.edu> Date: Thu, 30 Apr 1998 11:35:45 -0700 Reply-To: Kevin Woods Sender: Scouts-L Youth Group List From: Kevin Woods Subject: What is appropriate? To: Multiple recipients of list SCOUTS-L Status: RO X-Status: D I turn to the experience of the list for ideas. I just found out that the mother of one of my new Boy scouts passed away yesterday in a car accident. She was a Den leader for 2 years when I was CM and an assistant WDL last year. Her son crossed into our troop in February. Her Husband called me this morning to ask if the scouts would like to do anything. I of course said yes. I asked if it would be ok for scouts to attend the funeral and in uniform and he said yes. Now these will be younger boys coming so I wonder what might be appropriate. A year ago I attended a funeral of another scouter who had been in the program for many years and had a number of older boys. At the cemetary, a scout read a poem, and we all gathered in a circle sang vespers and recited the pledge. But that was older boys. I am not sure something like that is appropriate here. I will be notifying all the BS and CS leaders as soon as I have times for services and of course I will recommend to the committee that if the scout continues on we assist with camp and whatever we can (he has a younger sister and brother). What are things that we can do that might be appropriate, either at the service or after. What other advice can you give me. Thanks for your help. I have come to look to this list as a source of ideas, support, and experience. Kevin Woods SM Troop 111, Raymond NH Former CM, Pack 100 Historic District Training Chair Daniewl Webster Council From <@tcuavm.is.tcu.edu:owner-scouts-l@TCUBVM.IS.TCU.EDU> Tue May 5 07:44:35 1998 Return-Path: <@tcuavm.is.tcu.edu:owner-scouts-l@TCUBVM.IS.TCU.EDU> Received: from tcuavm.is.tcu.edu (TCUAVM.IS.TCU.EDU [138.237.128.148]) by cap1.CapAccess.org (8.6.12/8.6.10) with SMTP id HAA07667 for ; Tue, 5 May 1998 07:44:35 -0400 Received: from TCUBVM.IS.TCU.EDU by tcuavm.is.tcu.edu (IBM VM SMTP V2R2) with BSMTP id 1463; Tue, 05 May 98 06:36:21 CDT Received: from TCUBVM.IS.TCU.EDU (NJE origin LISTSERV@TCUBVM) by TCUBVM.IS.TCU.EDU (LMail V1.2a/1.8a) with BSMTP id 5015; Tue, 5 May 1998 06:30:24 -0500 Received: from TCUBVM.IS.TCU.EDU by TCUBVM.IS.TCU.EDU (LISTSERV release 1.8b) with NJE id 4090 for SCOUTS-L@TCUBVM.IS.TCU.EDU; Tue, 5 May 1998 06:29:16 -0500 Received: from TCUBVM (NJE origin SMTP@TCUBVM) by TCUBVM.IS.TCU.EDU (LMail V1.2a/1.8a) with BSMTP id 4089; Mon, 4 May 1998 21:37:32 -0500 Received: from cap1.CapAccess.org by tcubvm.is.tcu.edu (IBM VM SMTP V2R2) with TCP; Mon, 04 May 98 21:37:28 CDT Received: (from pfarnham@localhost) by cap1.CapAccess.org (8.6.12/8.6.10) id WAA27214; Mon, 4 May 1998 22:44:47 -0400 MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII Message-ID: Date: Mon, 4 May 1998 22:44:47 -0400 Reply-To: Peter Farnham Sender: Scouts-L Youth Group List From: Peter Farnham Subject: Re: What is appropriate? X-To: Kevin Woods To: Multiple recipients of list SCOUTS-L In-Reply-To: <3.0.5.32.19980430113545.007e0d40@christa.unh.edu> Status: RO X-Status: Hi Kevin, In this difficult time for the scout who has lost his mom to a car accident, I think there are a lot of things you can do that would be appropriate. We had a similar situation last summer; a young man in our troop lost his father to cancer early in the year. The dad went to summer camp with the troop and thought he had the mother of all bronchitis attacks for the week he was there. Turned out it was lung cancer, and he was dead six weeks later. Terrible situation. Anyway, the boys went to the funeral in uniform (a number of them had been in his den when they were in cub scouts), and we had a reflection about Dick at the next troop meeting (after clearing with his wife, of course). I led it, and I simply gave ech scout a chance to say whatever they wanted about Dick in a controlled and quiet and solemn situation. It went very well--until yours truly started to sum up, whereupon I promptly began to weep. This got half the troop going, and so when I got to the end of my eulogy, we had to take a 5 minute break to get it back together again. I also ran a eulogy about him in the troop newsletter in the next issue--published Baden-Powell's farewell letter to the scouting movement, with a picture of Dick at the end. After that, we soldiered on, and no one has brought it up again. Dick's wife was apparently very happy with how things went, and it seemed to help the son. I have a troop on the younger side, and believe that the worst thing you can do it try to shield them from things like this; the kids who were the most traumatized by the news that Dick had died were those who's parents had tried to "protect" them from the truth of how sick Dick really was. Anyway, trust the boys. They're far more resilient and understanding of these things than you may think. My guys continually amaze me! Yours will in this case, too. YiS, Pete Farnham SM, Troop 113 GW District, NCAC Alexandria, VA